Saturday, 16 May 2015

Let's Talk (Legends) Football

When you love, or at least like, something, you have to be critical about. You have to call bullshit when you see it. I'm about as big a fan of the LFL as I am of sports in general; not very much. But I do enjoy watching games which means, according to TV Tropes, I'm too cheap to buy Cinemax for this shit. Then again, fuck TV Tropes, because the LFL has come a long way from being cheap fanservice. ...All the more reason why I have to be critical, because there is still some shit I have to get off my chest. It's not T&A, but it smells like TNA.

First and foremost, the name. They used to be known as the Lingerie Football League, but now they're called the Legends Football League, which sounds like the name of some shitty fantasy league made by four year olds. I guess the "Ladies Football League" was too sexist. Their performance gear looks almost identical to the uniforms they wore under the Lingerie banner, which makes me wonder how female wrestlers flew under the radar for so long. Then I realized I don't even give a shit.

Let's talk broadcasting, because that's the name of the game. The LFL's broadcasting partners in the past included MyNetworkTV, MTV2, and their own YouTube channel - complete with YouTube-quality production value. Given their reputation, these are types of networks you team up with, not because of your potential for growth, but because they really need the ratings. Hence, their current partner, Fuse, who seeks to "expand beyond music programing". By which I mean, they would rather do this than focus on music.

That's fine, but this tape-delay bullshit is really starting to piss me off. Whereas pro-wrestling companies post their shows within two days of taping, those living in the United States have to wait a full week to watch LFL games on Fuse, while the rest of us have to wait another week to watch them on their YouTube channel. This basically means that their website is off limits until the end of the season, unless I want to see spoilers for the games. Even worse, as of writing, the rest of this week's game STILL hasn't been uploaded to YouTube: ten hours after the second quarter. I might as well see if someone DVR'd the Fuse broadcast, and uploaded it to a pirate site, because this is juvenile.

They supposedly have leagues all over the globe, but really, only the one in the USA is active. Canada's league has been on hiatus since 2014; Australia's league has run into some legal trouble, on top of losing their broadcast deal with 7mate; and rest aren't even worth talking about. At this point, Canadians would be better off joining the WWCFL. The only difference is that I won't see them, or any other women's league for that matter, on national television anytime soon, because mainstream sports networks are sexist and only care about ratings.

There are just so many things wrong with the LFL, it's stunning that this is the only women's sporting event I can see on a regular basis. Yet I can't stop watching, because it's far more entertaining then regular football. I just wish they would take things a bit more seriously and get their shit together. Seriously guys, because a girl could run this shit better, focus on building your franchise before you go global and ditch the green screen, then you brag about how much you are better then the NFL.

Until then, leave the bragging rights to an actual women's league.

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Lighting a Fuse

You may know Fuse for The Whitest Kids U'Know, Billy on the Street, being the American version of MuchMusic, or for being MTV with music videos. However, if Fuse's upfront announcement and the changes that follows prove anything, it's that the network has gotten a new nickname: MTV 2.0

The deception goes back to when, instead of being bought by Diddy and his music network, the far more successful Revolt, Fuse was sold to Nuvo TV and Jennifer Lopez. In the months since then, Fuse News was cancelled, and the network introduced such fare as Miami Ink reruns and LFL games. Keep in mind that the latter previously aired on MTV2, further cementing the notion that Fuse Media favors ratings over actual musical content.

In fairness, Fuse has been struggling, thanks to services like Vevo and even, if your lucky enough to live in the right city, TheCoolTV. I don't fully understand what Revolt or AUX are doing differently, but it's clearly working better than what Fuse has been doing. It would have made more sense to position Nuvo TV as a general-interest network and for Fuse to broadcast more alternative programming. Aside from sports entertainment and comedy specials, Fuse could also air anime or some cult series; anything would be better than some random reality show.

But instead, Nuvo TV will "fold into" Fuse, which just some mumbo jumbo corporate bullcrap for: "We're shutting down Nuvo TV and may or may not replacing it with a new music network." Like, seriously, I HATE it when they talk like this! If your gonna say something, JUST SAY IT! Anyways, Fuse Media will eventually launch a new music network called FM, which is probably just an equivalent to Much and MTV's digital networks. You know, the ones that nobody watches.

If I sound critical, that's only because Fuse is going down the same road MTV and MuchMusic did. The difference is, MTV is always evolving with its audience, Much is a disgrace to Canada and it's music scene. I will say that Fuse's current and upcoming slate of shows do show some promise. With an animated comedy, reality shows about dancing, and some new talk shows, Fuse might just burn a little bit longer and a bit brighter.

Then again, is it even worth it?

I'd Love to See a New Crash Bandicoot Game...

My favorite racing game was, hands down, Crash Tag Team Racing! When it comes to the Clashing mechanic, Mario Kart ain't got shit - Double Dash, maybe, but not Mario Kart. Some of you would agree with me, except for the fact that this was the first game to be developed by Radical Entertainment, or as I'd like to call them, the "Crash Killers".

On top of CTTR's unnecessary platforming element, and character changes that might have made hardcore fanboys cringe, The "Titan Trilogy"'s mediocre repetition killed the main series. Thanks to a bunch of crappy handheld games, including the infamous Crash Boom Bang, the franchise hit rock bottom. To be fair, as far as the main series goes, the post-Naughty Dog games didn't exactly get the same reception as Sonic or Mega Man games get nowadays, but they weren't terrible either. It wasn't until after Crash Tag Team Racing was released that the franchise started going downhill.

What really pisses me off though is the way Activision has been talking about the games since. When Eric Hirshberg talked about "finding a way to bring Crash back", he was clearly taking about doing to Crash, what Activision has already done to the likes of Call of Duty and Guitar Hero. Skylanders, for all the undeserved blacklash it got, was a blessing compared to that. Since then, whenever someone, or something (#4ThePlayers), brings up Crash Bandicoot, there's always an Activision rep right around the corner to deliver some half-assed statement about how they would love to bring the series back.

Instead of talking about bringing Crash back, Activision should have already done it. I hate it when a publisher hogs the rights to a franchise they don't give a crap about, when they can easily sell the rights to someone who does and make some extra cash - Konami, I'm looking at you. When all is said and done, I do believe Crash is need of a reboot, or at least, a snap back. But I highly doubt we're gonnna get one anytime soon. It's about as likely as Mega Man making a comeback.

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

My Favorite Kidcoms

Let it never be said I have an unfair bias against kidcoms, because there ARE some good ones out there.
...Some good ones...

Nickelodeon, you know I like you, but when Big Time Rush ended, so did my reason for caring. Ignoring the fact that the show was clearly a ripoff of JONAS and was just a vehicle for crappy tween music (safe for the infectious theme song), BTR was actually a spiritual successor to Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. A very quirky show till the end, unlike the crappy teen drama JONAS became.

Personally, when it comes to Disney Channel, the only show worth watching is Girl Meets World. It's not very funny, but it's every bit as mature as it's parent series. Whereas most shows rely on a cookie-cutter formula, GMW is a bit more realistic and a lot more down to earth. It might as well air on ABC Family, because it's clearly better than every other show on Disney Channel.

Although I'm glad Disney XD is moving away from this genre, I still have to say Lab Rats keeps me coming back for more. Hey, when a kids show decides to end a season with the main trio exiling themselves after their secret is reveled only for the bad guy to come from out of nowhere and blow up the secret base, trapping the supporting cast in the rubble, I HAVE to give props. Someone was clearly taking lessons from Mainframe on how to do a cliffhanger. My only gripe is that they don't go down this route more often, every other episode is just generic slapstick and puns, and that laugh track is NOT helping.

The problem with kidcoms these days is very much the same problem first-person shooter games had when Modern Warfare 2 came on the scene; Every other show looks the same, feels the same, and is very much the same. The only difference is the setting and characters, unless said character is a Chelsea Daniels knockoff, because stupid people are funny (oN yehT erA !toN). I'm just saying if I have kids, and that's a strong if, I would like to know they're not watching something that they wouldn't have their kids watching.

Sunday, 26 April 2015

Reycralibur Reboot: Update April 2015

Reycralibur is cancelled...., sort of.

Yes, it's official, I'm done with Reycralibur. Why? Because it's just a pain writing and filming something that I have no interest in doing anymore. At the same time, I don't want to stop making SSB64 machinima or abandon this "world" I've created. So, what I'm gonna do instead is reboot Reycralibur as an entirely new series using all the retcons I've made. If you wish, you can see those in the episode one remake as well as episode twelve, which will be the last episode. At some point, I'll get around to releasing those two, but only for those who wanted to see what happens next (ie, no one).

After that, I'm going to redo the show in its entirety. Some of the characters from Reycralibur will return (*coughKay*cough), others won't. This new series, "Reycralibur 2.0", if you will, will be more comedic in-tone and less episodic. This is all part of my new change in direction, where I focus more on short-form comedic videos, parodies, gag dubs, and the occasional AMV. I'm only developing the reboot now, so check back here later for more updates.

In the meantime, I won't say I'll be releasing more videos at a more quicker pace, because I KNOW I'm not good at being true to my word, but I'll try. Lets just say, I've come up with a LOT of ideas for new videos in the last couple of months and leave it at that.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

The Fate of Disney XD

Disney XD started off as a more juvenile version of Disney Channel. Save for shows like Arron Stone and Zeek & Luthor, as well as reruns of shows carried over from Toon Disney, Jetix, and ABC Kids, the rest of the channels output was much of the same garbage that aired on Disney Channel.

Over time though, particularly with the launch of Marvel Universe, the channel started to get better. Premiers of Disney Channel cartoons moved to Disney XD, Shows like Motorcity and Tron: Uprising turned some heads, and even their live-action output was becoming more watchable. It has gotten to the point where Disney XD has become, in most ways, better than Disney Channel.

But that's the American version, the Canadian version is every bit as bad as Disney XD was back in those days. That's why I'm glad that DHX Media is rebranding it as Family XTRM, it means one less crappy American-branded channel clogging up my dial. I just hope the new channel's output won't be as bad as it is now.

Thursday, 16 April 2015

RE: Corus gains Canadian rights to Disney Channel content
I just heard that DHX Media and Disney are calling it quits, which means the Family Channel will never have to air Disney Channel's tweenage crap again! However, Corus Entertainment now owns the rights to Disney Channel and Disney XD's programming and plan on launching, god help us all, a Canadian version of Disney Channel later this year!

The news is bittersweet for me because, as much as I like Girl Meets World, Disney cartoons, and virtually everything on Disney XD (except most the sitcoms, of course), the rest of Disney Channel's programming is so godawful and the Canadian version of Disney XD has become nothing but a rerun farm of that crap. It's very exiting that the channel that was originally licensed as "Family Extreme" will get a reboot and, hopefully, better shows.

On the other hand, it's bad enough that Corus already owns Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and their Canadian counterparts, but now they get to add Disney Channel to the mix. When CTV bought TSN, the CRTC forced them to sell Sportsnet because they couldn't own two major sports networks, just like they did when they bought CHUM and were forced to sell Citytv. So excuse me if I find it farfeched that the CRTC will allow Corus to launch another kids network, when they already own four!

It get worse. If they can't get away with owning five kids networks, they might just have to incorporate Disney Channel's crap onto YTV's lineup. That's a fall from grace if I ever saw one: YTV goes from weird shows, anime & teen dramas, to low-budget kid-coms and Disney Channel crap. At least Teletoon would get the mercy of only airing Disney's cartoons; they already air Marvel Universe, and I wouldn't mind them throwing Star Wars Rebels into the mix.

But I just don't see myself getting behind this. The last thing Canadian networks need is another monopoly, especially when the pick-and-pay revolution is right around the corner.